Game Two - Things you only know if you work from home.

Let’s start with the buttons at the bottom of the page – the ones that ask you what you think of my blog. Well, to be honest ‘cool’ (one of yesterday’s options) is not a word I would use – these were the buttons foisted upon me by the powers that be at Blogger. Now, a day wiser in the blogging field, and I realise I can change these options. Please note the new option ‘zeitgeist’ far more one of my words and also topical – fellow insomniacs could try using it at the end of an alphabet sentence – certainly more interesting than zoo and zebra.

            Regarding the alphabet sentence game – please don’t feel that you should miss out if you are lucky enough to sleep well each night – post your sentence even if in truth you wrote it through the day – I look forward to reading a wide selection.

            So, things you only know if you work from home or are retired (and happen to be at home rather than in Spain or lunching in Harrods) – firstly you know when a fox is eating your chickens. This is a good thing – last time a fox decided to eat my chickens I was at work. It was a gloriously sunny day and I’d cycled to work then taken an extra-long route home in order to benefit from the sunshine – only to be treated on my return to the site of feathers and corpses decorating my lane and driveway. That day I jumped off my bike, picked up the nearest corpse and, cradling it like a baby, sat at the top of my drive and cried. I had half hoped someone would find me and comfort me but, living in the middle of nowhere, this was unlikely. Anyway, yesterday I was working from home so was instantly aware of the fox from the din my hens were making.

            This was rather like one of the scenes from a horror movie – my chickens kicked off a good ten minutes before the fox appeared in full – it must have been lurking in the long grass or the bushes, tormenting them and me. I kept going out, wandering round my house, trying to calm my chickies and put said fox off its intended lunch. You end up in a state of limbo – every time you sit back at your desk you hear the chickens and cockerel crowing with fear and you jump up again – not sure whether to continue typing or go and have another futile look.

            About ten minutes into this game the stakes changed – now my chickens were running. I dashed onto my verandah only to catch sight of the fox sprinting past me intent on catching one of my babies. I did my usual fox prevention act – which normally works a treat – standing on my verandah screaming and shouting obscenities (not sure if the fox understands but they make me feel better) and flapping my hands noisily. My throat hurts afterwards but – until yesterday – it has always worked. This time it did not.

            The fox continued in its pursuit managing to grab one of my young Marans by the tail. I ran across the grass until I was maybe two metres from the fox who was still trying to de-feather my friend. I had only one option – I threw my car keys (for I was actually due to leave the house), managing to hit it on the head. (From a health and safety point of view I should point out that this is not a recommended deterrent – especially when the fox is in long grass standing next to a stream though on this occasion the fox did scarper and my keys were located quickly and unharmed.)

            On a lighter note, the second thing you only know if you work from home is how nice your bin-men are. Mine are lovely and they really brightened my post-lunch reverie.

            Lastly, I thought I would close by telling you about last-night’s sleep-inducing game, reminded to me by my youngest sister but I fear I have written enough for one day. So, a taster for tomorrow – I shall begin with binary and no, it does not help you sleep.