Taking things literally...

I rang my youngest sister yesterday – I ring them both from time to time, it’s good to chat and there’s usually a reason too. We shared our opinions on our respective days and I managed all of this whilst carrying out the beginning steps to Jam-Roly-Poly. This morning I texted her so she could call me back (as a penniless author-in-waiting, I have had to go to Pay-As-You-Go and calls cost 25p a minute). She did, eventually (though as I pointed out, if those had been my death throes she would have missed my final words), and her first question was, “Have you fallen out with me?” No, I told her, although had I died I might have thought differently. But this wasn’t her point – she was worried about the night before, and had spent the night worrying about what she could have done.

            “That may be true,” I pointed out, “But, to be fair, you did say you were calling me back later – so if anything, I should be worried.”

            Anyway seemingly – at some point towards the end of our conversation last night (when, in fact, I was approaching the trickier parts of Jam-Roly-Poly construction), I interjected with the words, “I don’t know why I’ve rung you.” and here in lies the dilemma; whilst my sister thinks the words show that I was fed-up with her and don’t know why I bothered to call, I believe that the words were simply recognition of the fact that I really didn’t know why I’d called. Much like when you get to the top of the stairs and find you haven’t a clue why you’re there so you nip to the loo instead, usually to remember – once you are back downstairs and seated comfortably – exactly what you had wanted and it wasn’t a toilet trip. Perhaps her different interpretation is just a sign of her immense youth as compared with my seniority? Or perhaps she has a problem with taking things too literally? Like this guy?

            Anyway, my youngest sister spent the evening worrying about what she could have done to upset me. Or rather, she spent about 15 minutes and then forgot, along with forgetting to call me back, until this morning, when she got my text.

            And the Jam-Roly-Poly was perfect. I share below.

I pinched the pic - mine looked better but I didn't have my camera

Recipe: Jam-Roly-Poly & Custard

Inspired by: My Dad

Ingredients:

For the Jam-Roly-Poly

50g Shredded Suet

50g Salted Butter (cold & cut into cubes)

250g Self-Raising Flour (don’t worry if you’ve none in, add a couple of teaspoons of baking powder to plain)

150ml milk

1 teaspoon vanilla paste or seeds from 1 pod

A few dessert spoons of your favourite jam (don’t scrimp)

For the Custard

Milk (as much as you think)

Egg yolk (1 per two or poss. three people)

A good teaspoon of corn flour per yolk (heaped if you want your custard thick)

A couple of dessert spoons of sugar per yolk

Vanilla paste (if you want vanilla custard)

Here’s What I Do: (You can do all of this in a mixer if you like.) First prepare the roly-poly, rub the butter into the flour until it resembles bread-crumbs, it helps if the butter’s really cold so if you’ve got warm hands consider popping it in the freezer for a minute or two after you’ve chopped it. Next add the shredded suet, give it a few mixes but not too much and then start adding your 150ml of milk, whilst mixing to bring together (if you’re working by hand a palette knife can help at this stage). Pour the milk steadily, your dough is going to be pretty wet but like all baking you might not need every last drop of milk. Don’t over work the dough, you’re certainly going to want to do the last bit by hand if you’re working in a mixer.

            Turn your dough onto a floured surface, at this stage if you think the dough is too wet then flour generously so that it can be worked back into the dough. You need to roll the dough into a rectangle and, as you’re rolling it, it wants to be around 5 or 6mm thick (no more). Spread generously with jam, leaving a 1cm border all round (otherwise your jam will just ooze everywhere) and roll from one of the shorter ends. You need to try and pinch the ends together and you may use a little milk to help do this. Now wrap loosely in greaseproof and then in foil. Remember to fold the edges with a double fold, leaving expansion room. Put the parcel on a baking tray.

            Turn your oven to Gas Mark 4 and boil a kettle of water. Put a roasting tin in the bottom of the oven, when warm half fill the tin with boiling water, slide your roly-poly onto the shelf above and bake for an hour (this does depend on oven accuracy). Have a little peep in the top of the parcel to check the pudding is cooked (mine needed an extra 10 minutes last night), and re-wrap and leave to rest for 5 minutes before serving.

            I like to make the custard in advance then reheat it, so I do this as soon as I’ve put the pudding in. Custard is dead easy to make but very personal so you may want it less sweet (or more sweet) or without the vanilla. Same with the corn flour, you need to mess around with the thickness depending on whether you want thick or thin custard.

            Make a paste with the egg yolk, sugar and corn flour – use really good free-range eggs so your custard will be a lovely colour. Warm your milk in a pan along with the vanilla seeds (if using), just as it begins to boil pour it onto the paste stirring all the time. Now pour this back into the pan whilst re-heating, don’t stop stirring for a second. As it comes back to the boil it will thicken nicely. That’s it. Lovely custard and not a packet of Birds in sight.