Something Staggering and the Most Beautiful Post-Christmas Sight Ever

My only race of the year

Even though I say it myself, I am staggering – and I say this with 100% conviction. I proved it on 27^th December when I decided to start the New Year with the New Me. Okay – so it wasn’t actually New Year but I couldn’t really wait until the auspicious date itself and, given that apparently most people abandon any New Year Resolutions by the end of January, avoiding said date didn’t seem much of a problem. Needless to say, the decision to start my new-life followed a very low day on the 26^th.

            I gave away my bathroom scales some months ago when I recognised that, having reached the state of weighing myself twice daily in a desperate attempt to understand any fluctuations and/or see if I had lost weight that day by abstaining from my mid-morning toast, I was indeed desperate. Or deranged. I’d read that you should weigh yourself no more than weekly – perhaps even less than that – but I understood myself enough to realise that I would never avoid the lure of the scales were they to continue to reside in my house, so I gave them to my sister. I can now weigh myself weekly (though admittedly no longer naked and first thing in the morning when I’m certain I weigh my least) and my sister is beginning to revel in the delights of my former addiction (though I don’t think she’s reached the twice daily stage – yet). So it was that, scaleless – and having avoided the lure of my sister’s scales for several weeks – I came to dress on the 26^th and found that, despite an extensive wardrobe, nothing would fit. Seemingly, my now sedentary life as a professional (though currently unpaid) writer and my eschewing of most forms of exercise (barring the occasional mile-swim or yoga lesson) over the December period had finally led to a weight gain of preposterous levels. Given the unpaid nature of my work, buying new clothes was out of the question. The only answer was to recognise that my new profession inherently means less calories consumed in day-to-day work and, having fully recovered from my November ill-health, I should really be exercising much, much more.

            It was December 27^th then, that I realised just how staggering I am. Or certainly was that morning when I staggered round the 6km run which is one of my local favourites, all the while berating myself – shouting at my rather larger than usual shadow and lamenting the pitiful slowness with which I tackled the hills. This is the woman who scaled Tower 42 in February 2010, conquered London Marathon for the second time in April 2010, completed three triathlons in summer 2010 and did the Great North Bike Ride in September of the same year. To be fair I tackled only one race in the whole of 2011 and found myself driving to work with my bike in the back of the car most of that year – going out on feeble 15 milers after work (if the weather permitted) – if I’m honest the only staggering thing (apart from my ludicrous, stumbling gate as I forced myself round my ex-rave run) was that I hadn’t gathered what was happening earlier.

            However, even the most troublesome run can transform itself into the most beautiful. My favourite lane – the part after the killer hill – is always tranquil and that morning it was full of winter beauty. And the best bit – my weakened state meant I became more aware of my surroundings, had more time to take in the noise of the birds singing in the trees – and therefore tuned into the sound of a chicken being unceremoniously strangled on a beautiful Tuesday morning. Hmmm? Unusual, I thought.

Given that any excuse to stop was highly welcomed, I stopped and peered – cautiously – through the gap in the hedge. Sure enough, I was faced with a field of chickens – though none of them appeared in anyway distressed by the intense and rather peculiar gobbling sound that I could hear. And then I saw it – the most blessed post-Christmas sight of my life – a turkey, beautiful, resplendent, regal – proudly strutting, in fact commandeering the field of chickens – head held high. I could go on (but I shan’t) and indeed I took a long time enjoying the welcome break from running and this wonderful sight. The post-Christmas turkey. The one that got away.

            I’ll be back tomorrow with some of my latest recipes – all healthy but extremely tasty.